Drag racing neurons

I don’t know if it’s the hormones or a rush from getting things organized and starting my new class How to Write an Essay, but I haven’t been sleeping more than 2-3 hours a night for the past 2 weeks.
I wake up 3-5 times a night, not always from night sweats, although those happen, too, but my brain just won’t shut off. I can fall asleep listening to podcasts of The Catholic Geek set on a sleep timer, but I don’t stay asleep and I wake up from vivid dreams that fall into the borderline category of “was it live or was it Memorex?” I was jerked awake at 3:54 this morning with the irresistible compulsion to grab a pen and paper so I wouldn’t forget “chest #5 and Walter Grant”. I jumped out of bed (or as close to it as I can manage) and wrote it down in the notebook I am keeping to track whether the hormones are controlling the hot flashes or not. I have no idea why, because as soon as I wrote it, I couldn’t remember the dream that generated the phrase.
Even when I do sleep, I’m only ‘submarining’, cruising at periscope depth, ready to surface at the slightest hint. When morning comes, I lie in bed, just thinking or looking at Facebook on my phone, no motivation to get up. And when I do eventually get up, having been guilted into it by the starving cat stares, I don’t feel like getting dressed. I am enjoying the class and doing the work. It is starting with the basics of grammar and sentence structure because it is aimed at ESL students.
My aide hasn’t been here this week, first on Sunday because of the holiday, then on Wednesday because of a sick child.
My skin is starting to break down again. I have an open spot that started to bleed after my shower on Wednesday. I really need to talk to my new Primary about things when I see her for the first time next Wednesday, which my aide will also miss because of the holiday. I did call to schedule the ride with TMS today, so I’m not completely dysfunctional. I am just dragging but at the same time buzzed. It almost reminds me of when I was on Prozac, vibrating like a car with the engine revving in neutral.
The nurse was here this afternoon and he said I should call the OB-GYN who put me on the hormones before my next appointment with him in the first week of October. I don’t think I will simply because I see the new PCP on Wednesday.


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