I am numbering this one because as often as I have nightmares, I am sure I will be wanting to use this title again.
I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping. The filling of my chest I mentioned yesterday is making it more and more difficult to breathe when I lie down to sleep, especially if I try lying on my left side, which is the side Karis likes to cuddle with me on. It used to be the way I could sleep best, turning my face away from the light seeping in the window around the curtain, nested in among my pillows and snuggled up. Now, I can’t get comfortable at all. Even sleeping at periscope depth is getting worse. I used to be able to better direct the dreams that came through, but now they take turns that I don’t expect and re-dreaming doesn’t seem to work the way it used to.
Let me explain. I dream in abstract movie scenes. I can almost always holler, “Cut!” and re-direct the scene if I don’t like the way it is going, or even back up and shoot the scene before it to make better sense. Last night I was dreaming an action/adventure flick with an actor who was a charming cross between Heath Ledger and Matt Ryan as a thief/conman/ne’er-do-well who had a crew and carried off daring heists. International renown, yada, yada. Anyway, he gets picked up and is expecting a rescue. He is being questioned in an office and discovers that the female of the pair questioning him has made him a special project because, unbeknownst to him, her former partner and probable love interest was killed in one of Charmer’s previous heists. Now this upsets him because he prides himself on no injuries to bystanders, and she mocks him with it. There is an explosion, but instead of the smoke bomb Charmer is expecting to cover his escape, it is expanding foam into the office and the doors are sealed. In his earwig, Charmer hears the voice of one of his crew, a fiery generic tan beauty who is vengeful because her little brother got pinched on a side job for Charmer and is doing a short stint in jail. As he/I suffocate to death, he/I hear her going on about how this is justice coming home to roost. No matter how I try, I cannot redirect the dream. I cannot fall asleep and start another because it is too fresh. Need I mention that being buried alive is my greatest fear. I am more than a little claustrophobic. Even when I had to wear a surgical mask as an X-ray tech, it put me on edge.
So, the nightmare was at 4:00 am. It is now 7:30 am. I’ve played World of Warcraft, Facebooked, and written this blog. I’ve been listening to the Bluegrass Gospel station on Pandora. Hopefully, that has put enough distance between me and the dream that I can get some more sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream….